Page 490 - yogikaatmacharitra

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protest that my strength might fail, commanded me to fast,
adding that I had to be initiated on that night,into the sacred
legend, and participate in that night's lcng vigil in the temple
of Shiva. Accordingly, I followed him along with other
young men, who accompanied their parents. This vigil is
divided into four parts, called praharas, consisting of three
hours each. Having completed my task, namely, having sat
up for the first two praharas till the hour of midnight, I re-
marked that the "'Maris, or temple disservants, and some of
the lay devotees, after having left the inner temple, had fallen
asleep outside. Having been taught for years that by sleeping
on that particular night, the worshipper lost all the good effect
of his devotion, I tried to refrain from drowsiness by bathing
my eyes now and then with cold water. But my father was
less fortunate. Unable to resist fatigue, he was the first to
fall asleep, leaving me to watch alone.
Reflections on Idolatry
Thoughts uppn thoughts crowded upon me, and one ques-
tion arose after the other in my disturbed mind. Is it possi-
ble,—I asked myself—that this semblance of man, the idol
of a personal God that I see bestriding his bull before me,
and who, according to all religious accounts, walks about,
eats, sleeps and drinks; who can hold a trident in his hand,
beat upon his dumroo (drum), and pronounce curses upon
men,—is it possible that he can be the Mahadeva, the Great
Deity, the same that is invoked as the Lord of Kailash,' the
Supreme Being and the Div;ne hero of all the stories we read
of him in his Puranas (Scriptures) ? Unable to resist such
thoughts any longer, I awoke my father, abruptly asking him
to enlighten me to tell me whether this hideous emblem of
Shiva in the temple was identical with the Mahadeva (Great
God) of the Scriptures, or something else. "Why do you
ask it ?" said my father. "Because," I answered, "II feel it
1. A mountain peak of the Himalaya, where Shiva's heaven
is believed to be situated.