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impossible to reconcile the idea of an Omnipotent, living God,
with this idol, which allows the mice to run over its body,
and thus suffers its image to be polluted without the slightest
protest." Then my father tried to explain to me that this
stone representation of the Mahadeva of Kailash, having been
consecrated by the holy Brahmins, became, in consequence,
the God himself, and is worshipped as such; adding that as
Shiva cannot be perceived personally in this Kali-Yug-the age
of mental darkness,—we hence have the idol in which the
Mahadeva of Kailash is worshipped by his votaries; this kind
of worship is pleasing to the great Deity as much as if, instead
of the emblem, he were there himself. But the explanation fell
short of satisfying me. I could not, young as I was, help
suspecting misinterpretation and sophistry in all this. Feeling
fain with hunger and fatigue, I begged to be allowed to go
home. My father consented to it, and sent me away with a
Sepoy, only reiterating once more his command that I should
not eat. But when, once at home, I had told my mother of
my hunger, she fed me with sweetmeats, and I fell into a
profound sleep.
Decision
In the morning, when my father returned and learned that
I had broken my fast, he felt very angry. He tried to impress
me with the enormity of my sin; but do what he could, I
could not bring myself to believe that idol and Mahadeva
were one and the same God, and therefore, could not comper-
bend why I should be made to fast for and worship the for-
mer. I had, however, to conceal my lack of faith, and bring
forward as an excuse for abstaining from regular worship my
ordinary study, which really left me little or rather no time
for any thing else. In this I was strongly supportee by my
mother, and even by my uncle, who pleaded my cause so well
that my father had to yield at last and allow me to devote
my whole attention to my studies. In consequence of this, I